By Michael Lordi
I have some sad news for my Republican friends in New Jersey who have visions of sugar plums and Chris Christie in the White House dancing in their heads: I’ll be president before Chris Christie will.
And the only way I’ll be president is if I crawl out from beneath the ruins of scorched buildings following a nuclear holocaust, the only survivor of my species, faced with the task of repeatedly vetoing legislation to repeal all FDA food handling regulations passed by a Congress comprised of only cockroaches.
Following months of almost unchallenged campaigning and image-polishing advertising, Christie is at the height of his popularity. Yet he still trails Hillary Clinton in the list of presidential wannabes by six percentage points in the Garden State and 10 points nationally. Were the presidential election held today, Christie likely would lose 49 states, New Hampshire being the exception providing it snows on Election Day. (Good news: He has a tiny lead in American Samoa).
What New Jersey GOPers don’t realize is that Christie suffers from John McCain Syndrome. He’s the media darling . . . for now. He’s touted as a take-no-prisoners party maverick, capable of bashing heads from both sides of the political isles into compromise. Beware Democrats, say the media and semi-sober pundits; Christie is the Republican’s best hope to draw independent and Hispanic voters.
Yet the media will turn on him and viciously. You may recall that no sooner had John McCain brushed off the convention confetti following his nomination when his friends and admirers at the New York Times ran a front-page, below the fold story about an illicit affair with a campaign worker and contributor. After a week of denials and inquiry by the Times’ own ombudsman, the story was proved a fake, so the paper turned its focus for several weeks to Cindy McCain’s money. That was until its brigade of private detectives dispatched to Alaska reported in on Sarah Palin.
But Christie’s biggest problem will come from the Republican base, which is still fuming from his condescending lecture to conservative House members holding up Hurricane Sandy relief aid until it was purged of pork and kickbacks to donors of New York’s Congressional delegation. Another sore point was his snooty and opportunistic blaming of House Republicans for the government slowdown just as they were sending funding bill after funding bill to the Senate where each died without consideration.
And speaking of Hurricane Sandy, many of the GOP faithful view his hug and kiss (with tongue) of Barak Obama during the presidential tour of the storm devastation the same way Viet Nam veterans think of Jane Fonda. Many of them (us) felt the governor should have told Obama, his entourage and gaggle of reporters arriving at Seaside Park, “You want your picture taken at the Jersey Shore? Here’re two quarters. Go to the photo booth at the Asbury Park arcade. You’re keeping the fire trucks from getting through.”
Many of them (us) think Obama Girls usually wear tank tops and bikini bottoms, not size 72 warm up suits.
And they (we) aren’t likely to overlook that if he wants Obama’s job. Still they (we) wish him well in the Democrat primary against Hillary.