He ran towards me after I called him an anal orifice. The home plate umpire stepped in between us as the bevy of 14 and 15 year old boys giggled at the site of two middle aged men making fools of themselves.
Unaware of the irony, he was screaming obscenities as he demanded my ejection for cursing on the field. He even strongly suggested I partook in sexual relations with my mother which no doubt gave the teenage players a visual they did not want.
I’m not sure where or how two men devolved into primal beings but I think it has something to do with getting an eight dollar trophy at the end of the year. Is this what we have become?
It started innocently enough. Two teams of teenage boys playing baseball as parents sit alongside the fence dreaming of college scholarships or being drafted by a pro team. Us volunteer coaches do it for the children. That is a load of hogwash perfected by striking teaches come contract time.
Anyway, my team was not doing well and it was obvious to everyone in the ball park my team was outclassed by our opponent. When faced with such a lopsided ordeal the only motivating advice one can drum up is to play for the love of the game.
That bit of advice is hard to project when the team is texting with their friends and, in some cases, teammates on the bench. The boys were pre-occupied with important matters like where we will stop to eat on the way home.
Meanwhile, the other team is running the core up on us. I had no pitching so my poor leftfielder turned pitcher was in the midst of his fourth consecutive walk and the other manager was stealing home in a 15-2 game. That was his third steal of home.in that inning. Needless to say, that went over like passing gas in church with some on our team and the chirping intensified between the sides.
During a pitching change the umpire called both managers to the side to try and stem the bickering. One thing led to another and words were exchanged about the sexual proclivity of the other’s mother and I called him an anal orifice.
Youth Sports is out of control in America. The easy answer is to point to the pressures of getting a higher education and the paths people take to ensure a scholarship. That may explain why the parents are nut jobs but does not explain why the coach’s check into the asylum. I think some coaches believe they will be the next YouTube sensation and a college program in desperate need of a coach will hire them on the spot. It could be the coaches are re-living their childhood with the mistaken belief they have control this time.
Whatever it is, the one thing that is becoming abundantly clear is Youth Sports is not about the kids. Perhaps we should ponder that concept and let the umps ump, coaches coach and kids play. After all, it is about the kids.